Once upon a time in a distant land, there lived an aging Prince who was finally crowned King Charles, the third of England. The prince had waited patiently for 70 long years, yearning for the day when his Mummy, the beautiful Queen Elizabeth, would find eternal rest. In reality, the prince did not have to be crowned at all because he was immediately promoted to the King upon his mother’s passing. But Charles had always enjoyed a good fancy dress party and what could be better than a coronation?
As the Queen had reigned for seven decades, King Charles, who was very good at maths, realised that he would need to live until the ripe old age of 144 to match his mother’s tenure. But he was up for the challenge.
The King’s plan
“If I eat my greens every day and use my powers to combat climate change that will surely stop the aging process,” thought King Charles.
His brilliant idea filled him with hope. With each mouthful of leafy greens and every effort to protect the environment, King Charles believed he would uncover the secret to hanging onto the throne until he was at least 144 years old. And so, armed determination, and a plate overflowing with vibrant vegetables, he embarked on his extraordinary journey to conquer time and age with the power of greens and his unwavering resolve.
The coronation was a lavish affair at Westminster Abbey. People had waited for eons to see the future king of England roll up in his magnificent golden Cinderella coach. Sitting beside him was Camilla, his wife, with her fingers crossed, hoping the ancient coach would make it on time for the coronation before it turned back into a portly pumpkin. Her dreams of becoming queen of England hinged on getting there on time.
Dress code for guests
Invited guests were asked to come in fancy dress and most were happy to oblige. All except for Prince Harry. He arrived in a normal business suit, unlike the rest of his relatives and other attendees who went all out. But Harry, the shyest of them all, hatched a perfect plan. He persuaded his auntie, Princess Anne to sit in the pew directly in front of him sporting a hat with an enormously high, wide feather that could rival a peacock’s flamboyance. This monstrous feather cleverly concealed Harry’s bashful face from prying eyes.
Raiding the royal costume closet
But as for the rest of them, nothing was too much. King Charles set the standard in his long, flowing red velvet robe with gold lace embroidered around the edges. He topped it off with a fluffy white cape with black spots made of cute little ermines. Very disappointing. A riot of bows and kilometres of blue, red and white fabrics in silk, wool and velvet with gold and silver trimmings filled the Abbey. And then there was the bling and the accessories. Diamonds by the millions, sapphires, rubies, over and undersized fancy hats, bows and white gloves.
His and her crowns
The King’s crown was an old hand-me-down but Charles, a renowned sustainability leader, didn’t mind at all. His only concern was keeping his head upright after the solid gold piece of headgear, weighing in at a massive 2.2 kilos was placed on his head by the archbishop. With his head bowed down, not in reverence, but because he couldn’t hold it upright any longer, Charles had to wait patiently while another old crown was placed on Camilla’s head. And so, there they stood, the King and Queen of England looking very pleased with themselves.
But what about us?
Sadly, there were people outside the Abbey who were not pleased with themselves. They were starving and homeless. A few were protesting and giving the police a hard time booing and shaking their placards and shouting, ‘Not my King’. They weren’t happy and who could blame them? The price tag for the coronation could have provided food and shelter for all the starving and homeless in the kingdom.
They lived happily ever after?
And so, this is where this true to life fairy tale ends. Well, the coronation part anyway. We can only hope that the dashing Prince William, the successor to King Charles III, will give tradition a hard kick in the royal behind and prioritise the starving and homeless over his own future coronation. A break from tradition to put the starving and homeless before his own coronation would show real strength of character and empathy towards the citizens of the land. And as for the traditionalists, they’ll have to wear it just like they’ve had to in the many other countries that have ditched the coronation. Alas, only time will tell if they live happily ever after.
Youtube – ‘Not my King’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8YYSAuugGs&t=27s
Thankyou to Rhamely from Unsplash rhamely-ENi6b5D8pPA-unsplash for the featured photo.